Goal progress in January

I thought it might fun to include how I'm getting on with my goals. When I've read the progress of others in fitness or other goals, I find it highly motivating. Let me know what you think as I might do them quarterly rather than monthly.

1. Passing my driving test

The progress is there. I have already paid for 10 hours, and done 6 hours of driving lessons. I am making great progress. I've noticed more confidence leaving the roundabout and knowing when to go, which is my ultimate fear. I really hope to keep progressing. It is great since it's the first time even been driven around Ipswich. However also noticed new instructors have different priorities and notice new things you're bad at.

2. Go abroad

I really hope to do this, but this is not a priority just yet. I think I may visit a friend who lives in Norway now, but then again it is more costly to visit than to get there. Seen flights for under £100 return but know it is expensive to buy and do things!

3. See at least 3 gigs this year

I've looked a little, but not seen much I fancy. I'm booked to see comedian, Jon Richardson in September and had hoped to see Ed Sheeran. Unfortunately I couldn't get tickets, but hopeful I will think of other performers to see.

4. Start yoga again

I've looked into local classes, but am nervous to start any alone. I have also tried looking at few youtube videos. For anyone else wanting to try yoga, I noticed a fab post published by Saccharine-soul. I've actually tested a few of the routines suggested here. Although I'm not a beginner, I'm not confident enough to move onto intermediate or more advanced.

5. Do a charity challenge

I've enquired about doing the Great Wall of China in aid of the British Red Cross. I love how you will help rebuild it too. However I know the work it took to fundraise for climbing Kilimanjaro and had the resources there: supportive work colleagues, uni support, friends to attend events, and just don't  have that locally.

I'm also considering trying an abseil again. I've seen an abseil for the local hospital which sounds so fun. Anyone who knows me will know how gutted I was to have let down a favourite charity, when I couldn't take on the 160ft abseil off forth rail bridge. This was despite doing a 10,000 ft skydive, a bungee jump and climbing Kilimanjaro in the past. I feel doing this will really boost my confidence again. It will also be something fantastic to really look forward to. I fear I may have an anxiety attack again, but doesn't feature my ultimate fear of bridges.

6. Pursue creative hobbies

I've gone to both a jewellery making and scrapbooking classes. From this, I'm unsure I will try this again as the necklace broke to pieces and didn't make it to feature in this post. I've done scrapbooking before and learnt some new techniques, and would love to go again.

I'm proud that I actually stitched the gold circle...

I still want to learn to make bracelets, but going to look at Youtube to learn that one!

7. Lose weight

I'm really happy with my progress in this. I've had compliments from family members on the look of my skin and how much healthier I look, which is obviously a huge confidence boost. Most of all, I love the boost to my energy and how much happier this has had me.

This has only been from small steps - walking at least 30 minutes a day, drinking lots of water (admittedly I did this well already), adjusting my attitude to portion sizes and actually eating more fruit/veg. Instead of thinking, "oh, I've got a few more of these I might as well finish", I just stop eating when I'm full. Instead of cutting out sweets or chocolate, I eat what I fancy and then don't crave it as much. I've even started craving things like crisps or cheese, which is so unlike me! 

8. See more films from my list

If you like my facebook page, you will have seen that I received lots of DVDs and watched them. Please refer to the review on the films I watched here. This month, I've seen 12 off my list and 13 in all. I hope I can beat this in February as I've watched more DVDs than my usual Netflix.

9. See friends more

There are no plans yet, but this is important to me with many friends living in Scotland. With the closest friend being about 400 miles away, it is essential and especially with friends getting married, having babies and getting promotions, not seeing them as often can feel like missing out.

10. Walk dogs more

I have been walking the dogs on almost every day off, and actively making the effort to spend more time with them.Cuddles are the best!

11. Do more in spare time

This one is still very much in progress. At the moment, my spare time consists of walking dogs, writing for this blog, promoting the blog, reading and anything that might come up. That doesn't sound hugely exciting, but definitely been feeling more positive.

12. Keep writing

I've not looked into alternative ways to write outside of this blog, but definitely want to. I'm really not sure where to begin on that one!

13. Read more

Already I feel like I'm making great progress on this. Most times I read no more than 4 or 5 books in a year. This month alone, I've already read 6 books. Please refer to this post about the books I've read here. I'm looking forward to reading more as part of the Popsugar challenge as discussed here.

How has your January been going? Any tips for me to continue to tick off my goals this year?

Do horrible comments affect your confidence in the long-term?

I said I'd started a blog and write regularly, but I've already slipped up. Truth be told, I have felt a bit negative. Writing does make me feel better, but tiredness and lack of motivation stops that.

So what have I been doing? I've not done a lot truth be told. Since last posting, I have had a few trips to Southampton, started volunteering and learning more about stress. Lately, I have felt very contemplative (not sure if that is the right word to use)...I have been looking back on my confidence and self-esteem and thought how this can completely change because of certain people.

I remember being about 9/10. I had moved a few years previously from living in Manchester (Boothstown if you wish me to be exact), and I remember still feeling like I didn't fit in. The friends I had were great, but I never felt like I fitted in with them; it was like they were always better than me. They had big screened televisions, sky (while I had maybe digital at best - probably the 5 channels at that time). I didn't care but for some reason being friends with them I sometimes did. That being said, that is not the point I wish to make, as usual I am babbling.

The point that I wish to make is bullying is horrible; it is one of the lowest things that a child or even adult can to do. Physical and mental abuse. It doesn't matter which can shape a person. Although I was too young to remember being bullied, and therefore have not let it affect me... I have heard about when I was 5, a girl tried to twist my arm behind my back to break it, but being double-jointed that didn't happen. I remember my mum going to school and getting frustrated with the teacher for lack of understanding. However I don't remember any incident. Lucky, I guess. That being said, some people aren't that blessed.

Even though I have no memories of being bullied,  I do know on a number of occasions I have allowed people to knock my confidence and self-esteem. I could say how horrible people are, or that they were just mean people, but that wouldn't be true to me. Everyone has their reasons. I don't agree with them, and what they do is not about me. I would say the same to anyone. 

Coming back to being 9/10, I remember one of my "friends" speaking unkindly behind my back. She called me an "ugly, thick bitch". It was awful. One of the other friends told me. It hurt and still to this day, it hurts to have either description used on me or anyone really. I never felt beautiful after that moment, and although I can happily say I have beautiful days where I look in the mirror, and think, "Wow, you look good today!", I know those can sometimes be rare. I have seen girls sharing 5 pictures where they felt beautiful on Facebook. In that spirit, here are five I wish to share:

Why do I feel beautiful in these?

1. This is obviously my graduation picture, and it is one of those days where all my makeup went well. Love how the blusher went on, my skin looked flawless and it's one of a handful of times wearing eyelash extensions and loving how my eyes pop!

2. I just love my hair in this picture, and it reminds me of spending time with two of my best friends on my 22nd birthday. This might be the only one I have of when I dyed my hair pink too. 

3. This is a picture from the last time I got my hair done. I'm useless at curling my hair, and love it like this!

4. This is actually very recent, and again I love my hair colour, and my makeup looks flawless. 

5. This is the oldest picture of them all. It was taken maybe 5 years ago (when my dog was still technically a puppy at 2 years old). I just love how happy I look with my baby.

My confidence has increased a lot since then. It increased when I fell in love and was told I was beautiful. Although I don't recommend basing your self-worth on anyone, I think you should surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel like a good person. I still have bad days though. During stressful times, my skin can break out. It did recently in fact. From these periods, it has left scarring that I find hard to cover with foundation. One guy I fancied when I was 18 even went as far as telling me it looked "disgusting". I know it does to me, but never thought anyone else would say or think that. Sometimes I hear those words back when I do my makeup in the morning. 

What I've learnt recently is...it doesn't hurt when someone says something hurtful. Well, not all the time. It hurts when they say something hurtful about something you already hate about yourself. For example, in primary school I remember another "friend" saying that I had hairs on the top of my nose like the hobbit. She said something like: "You know how in the Hobbit, they have hair on their feet, you have it on your nose!" She was just laughing about it, and to be honest I hadn't really looked there and it still doesn't bother me. However it hurts when I've been specifically called ugly or disgusting for things I'm self conscious about like my skin. I feel this must be the same for women who feel overweight, hate their nose, their lips, you name it!

Going back to that comment, "ugly, thick bitch"... at the time I didn't focus on the ugly part. I focused on the "thick". In primary school, I hated it. I felt stupid. Having dyspraxia (which affects co-ordination; making your handwriting messy and struggling in sports), it meant I often needed to attend special classes to help with my handwriting. We used to be divided into small groups - top (the clever ones), average ("normal") and below average (those struggling a bit like me). No matter how hard I tried, I always seemed to be below average. However the day that this girl said this, I got  a really good grade in English for writing a creative story. I feel that sometimes I want to prove that I'm not "thick". 

It's probably why I pushed myself when doing my GCSEs, why I wanted to go to university and why I try my best even in jobs I have hated. 

Has something someone has said to you stuck in your mind? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.